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The schedule for the John F. Kennedy Center in Washington D.C. highlights a lighthearted bilingual show and an improvised Shakespeare troupe. Notably missing from the public events is this week's global football draw, presumably because it is a strictly closed-door gathering. Officials seem intent on avoid any unwanted guests from showing up at what promises to be an drawn-out, self-aggrandizing ceremony where highly compensated celebrities will doubtlessly echo the old platitude that "soccer brings together the world."

A Star-Studded Hosting Team

This glitzy ceremony is scheduled to be hosted by German model-turned-TV presenter Heidi Klum together with diminutive US standup comedian and actor Kevin Hart. Joining the star power will be American football legend Eli Manning on welcoming duty and actor Danny Ramirez as a roaming correspondent. Together, they will oversee a production that will undoubtedly have English football fans who remember longing for the simpler, pomp-free days of Graham Taylor, FA officials, the FA tombola and a trusty fabric pouch of wooden, numbered balls.

Set to last the thick end of three grueling hours, the show will feature a staggering agenda of speechifying, saccharine highlight reels, pre-vetted gags, celebrity guests, musical turns from acts with perhaps no embarrassment or enormous tax bills, and then... finally, the real World Cup draw.

Athletic Greats on Draw Detail

Among those tasked with conducting the ceremony? Basketball giant Shaquille O'Neal, hockey icon Wayne Gretzky, football quarterback legend Tom Brady and MLB star Aaron Judge, all selecting numbered spheres under the watchful eye of ex-footballer Rio Ferdinand. Given the vast, deep well of charisma exhibited by these veteran sporting icons, barring an uniformed security team storming the event, it's hard to envision what could possibly go wrong.

In reality, very little, if the insensitive justification of FIFA's well-documented World Cup ticket price-gouging offered by an obsequious spokesperson is any kind of gauge. Upon being questioned if tickets should be more affordable for non-millionaires, the response was vague. "In my view we have to be conscious of that and I think FIFA are definitely an organization that are conscious of that," was the comment. "But listen, I think we can look at every sector, every area, we could have that conversation about things," it was noted. The implication appeared that high prices are acceptable when compared with other high-end items.

The Actual Draw

With 42 nations already qualified for next year's tournament and six more set to qualify, there will be a real feeling of excitement once the preliminaries conclude and the actual draw gets under way. While fans across the globe wait with bated breath to see which three nations their own country will play in the group stages, the anticipation will be nothing compared to that which comes before the reveal of the winner of FIFA's first-ever peace prize for "people who help bring together people in peace through unwavering dedication and special actions." Considering the draw is in the US capital and the World Cup is primarily in the US, speculation about the winner are widespread, even if the clues are apparent.

"There's no concern at the moment. I was speaking to the chairman today. My connection with him is very strong really. I have a real transparent and frank relationship. So regarding my position in that sense I have completely no concerns whatsoever" – comments from a manager with a team in the midst of a five-game losing streak, offering a classic remark likely to be revisited if/when changes occur in the future.

Audience Feedback

• "Regarding the discussion of a possible club named Kevin... there is an talented Brazilian winger named Kevin at a Premier League club who cost more than £30m. Perhaps Kevin could be persuaded to buy a lower league club and rename it after himself."
• "Going to local games in the past, when the opponent was 'Keith', the reply was: 'What, on his own?'"
• "I stopped reading after nine words. 'Comprised of'! What was the thought process? To comprise means to consist of. So to comprise of means to consist of of. The extra 'of' is as unnecessary as an additional referee."
• "Concern is growing ahead of FIFA's World Cup draw: just what memorable tune will a famous group come up with if a political figure remains on the stage, requiring an additional song?"