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When news broke that a prominent couple had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it thrust substance use disorder back into the national conversation. However, families affected by a child’s substance use are concerned the dialogue will focus on an extremely uncommon act of violence rather than the more widespread risks of the condition.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the news. They were merely familiar with the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also became addicted at 15 to opioids and later heroin, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehab and jail. After a long and painful struggle, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just heartbreaking,” states Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters succumbed to the disease of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through their own use, a family member’s addiction, housing instability from addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or death, according to 2023 data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or tens of millions of people, had a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how powerful you are,” stated Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a parent organization. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the tragic events will make people “very wary of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg added.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really a threat and the potential for causing violence.”

She also cautioned against jumping to conclusions about the alleged role of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is not known whether substance use or mental health issues were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and substance use disorder, and fill in the gaps to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may increase aggression, a brutal act like a murder of two people is exceptionally rare.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything even approaching to violent behavior. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is significantly more likely to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not of their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my greatest terror. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get that call or that knock on the door telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the hospital saying a son was unconscious; from jail, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle isolation—wondering if the addiction was caused by some mistake they made; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and dreading judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be content one day and in despair the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are able to achieve recovery.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of disease, you can overcome this disease, too. You can recover and be productive,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you stumble, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they cared for him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll take it and accept help.”